Why we give gifts
Considerations on an (apparently) selfless behaviour
The exchange of gifts is a tradition that is long on our society, but our social life has often
turned an element of cohesion between individuals in a simple consumer exercise.
The meaning which is the key of giving is to give without receiving anything in return. It seems
an endearment being an end in itself, absolutely personal. Actually something in return is received: in addition
to the exchange of gifts, primarily who makes a gift receives attention,
gratitude, and in general everything that falls within the sphere of affections and that an
act of "altruism" raises in the recipient's mood. However, our social environment
often emphasizes only the consumerist aspect of gift, which is purchasing.
In daily life, the gift is almost always associated with an occasion, a special event. The gift thus becomes like a ritual, something to be repeated more for duty than for personal initiative. Thus happens us to boil down to "the last minute" and to not know what to give, because gift doesn't rise from of an individual feeling. More than the desire to give something to someone the feeling of the ritual, of the traditionit is is the real remaining affection. Think to Christmas, if it was not a special event then we would not exchange gifts; but there is the atmosphere, the evocative power of the event that makes us enter into the "spirit of exchange", and it would be sad not to receive or give anything.
In fact, the Christmas gift does not born from the need to express a form of
affection addressed to those who surround us, but by a feeling that begins on the
feast itself, which belongs to all those who share our cultural environment.
But the sense of a present goes beyond the occasion, it is above all an element
of the relationship between individuals, a way to feel more tight-knit, a way to
seal our affection or to show our esteem, each other. It is definitely a means
of communication, and may be used if by other means we are not capable or
prepared: it is a act that may replace the words and can really help to fill
some incommunicabilities, provided it being done in the right way.
This is a fundamental aspect of donating: as a means of communication it must care of recipient. In this sense we want what we give to be likable, useful, appropriate for those who receive it. Because the more the gift will be "well-guessed", the more who carried it will be appreciated, and so the gift will be rewarding for both the recipient and the donor. Prerequisite for this is that, in principle, the attention is focused on people receiving gift (and not on object to be bought): this is how a gift should be sought. First you must know what the recipient likes, and thus recollect our knowledges about that person, how we consider it, what we have in common and what we do not agree, what it would like. But we must also reflect on us, and in particular on what we want to communicate with gift: is it esteem? Interest? Friendship? Love?
So giving is also a way to know and recognize ourselves, it is a moment for introspection and also investigation on someone else.
This reflections are an invitation to reconsider some acts that often fall into a kind of automatism, but hiding a deep value for the quality of human relationships
If you are interested in, there are even more detailed considerations about giving gifts, on web.
